Advice for Anyone Moving to Texas
Save all bacon grease.  You will be instructed later how to use it.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Remember: “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.
Get used to the phrase “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”. And the collateral phrase “You call this hot? Wait’ll August.”
Don’t tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol, a Chevy, Dodge, or Ford is.
If someone says they’re “fixin” to do something, that doesn’t mean anything’s broken.
The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade is.
If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called “courtesy”.
BBQ is a food group.  It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
Everything is better with Ranch dressing.
“Bless your Heart” is a nice way of saying you’re an idiot.
On This Day in History
1870 Construction begins on the Brooklyn Bridge – completed in 1883
1871 Oleo margarine was patented
1888 1st wax drinking straw was patented
1899 1st known use of the word “automobile” appears in the New York Times
1925 Benito Mussolini becomes the Dictator of Italy
1938 The March of Dimes was established to fight polio
1952 Dragnet with Jack Webb premiers on TV
1959 Alaska is admitted as the 49th state
1962 Ground is broken for the 8th Wonder of the World, the Houston Astrodome
1977 Apple computer incorporates
1987 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inducts 1st female artist, Aretha Franklin
National What Day
President Fred continues Allyson’s tradition:
National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day
National Drinking Straw Day
National Fruitcake Toss Day – some of our members had the nerve to admit that the actually like fruitcake!